keep believing

i have no comment about my results so far.. it’s kind of useless thinking too much and feeling bad or good about it right.. it’s only prelims.. i shall get over it and start to think of how and what to improve in a levels.. ppl let’s take it this way.. if u did extremely well, just think that u were just lucky, u may not be as lucky in a level.. so study hard.. let ur hardwork replace the role of luck.. dont get complacent.. complacency is evil.. if u did extremely badly, take it as a motivation for u to study hard.. let these results pressurize u.. pressure is good.. we can do this.. mariah carey says we can make it thru the rain.. some boyband n alda say we can make it if we try..

i wonder how am i going to improve my gp.. i cant even construct a proper paragraph with proper sentences.. so many dots.. dizzy..

cinderella man had all the girls in the whole cinema cried for him just now but i was so disappointed to find out that he didnt die in the end( for those who haven’t watched and plan to watch, yes, he didn’t die on the ring. don’t cry for him!). of course he died at the end of his life but it’s not as what i expected. sigh i feel so cheated. tho he’s not my boyfriend (insider’s joke. sher understands).

but it’s actually a nice movie. about family and boxing. two things that don’t really go together. i loved the family, the home, their love for each other.
after watching that movie i learnt that we should be grateful with whatever we have now coz things can get so much worse. failing tests is so nothing compared to having to send ur kids away due to no electricity right. thank God for everything i have now.
i learnt the value of money (and on the same day, spent some $30 for a movie ticket, popcorn, lunch n dinner, n cab fare. how ironic). life may not at all be easy, but we can always enjoy it if we choose to do so. very small things like a thin piece of ham can mean a lot of happiness to a poor little girl.
i learnt not to shed my tears so easily too. be strong. things can always get better in the end.
the movie also taught me the power of determination and perseverance which i have always known but have never been able to carry out.

i went to watch cinderella man with the hostel girls. we went for lunch in ayam penyet to burn our stomach (the effect lasted til this afternoon!) before the movie. it’s something like a ‘hostel girls and dipta’ outing. who’s dipta. some extra guy. he’s not going to read this haha.
we went for a walk in orchard and a little bit of shopping (and a lot for some 2 centil girls, i was not one of them).
the girls are very centil really. i’m so not centil compared to them la. but they keep calling me bimbo even when i wore read. the world is unfair. irma also wore red what.
we met aimee and michelle and some mummy with a new hairstyle, and friends. tho i myself quite felt like a mother of 2 while walking between irma and el. it’s like a cedar experience all over again with afi and fanie missing. there were some plates of sushi, a hair cut for one of the centil girls, and the trip ended in a cab. we should go out together more often.

haha purposely put the word ‘prelims’ in all the titles.
and i still say it’s not impactful haha.

haha started off my exam-less days by staying at home and slept and watched lost right after the prelims. recharging basically haha. to replenish all the energy that has been used up for exams.
and yesterday afternoon i was finally fully charged!

on sat i went to church (45 mins late!) for some youth function (kkr remaja dan pemuda) titled what does it profit a man if he gains the whole world but loses his own soul? it was actually a two day thing but i was too tired (read lazy) on friday. i was kind of feeling blue tho i was wearing pink and this thing made me felt much better. God has a plan for me and no one is going to change that. He loves me to the very core. i love Him too! i hope i can grow to become better and better everyday.
talked to mel only after the mass and she started introducing me to all her friends (again!) which is actually quite useless coz nobody remembers my name and i dont remember theirs too. and so she has to keep introducing again and again haha. talked to nathan and debora and some old friends too.

i also went for a few outings the past two days. with my sisters, my class girls, and myself.
-i had to shop by myself coz for some friends, anime is more important than friends.
-shopping with mel and yol can get boring as they like boring stuff (oops) and boring shops. and they insult my taste too. but it’s ok i can take those coz overall, outings with sisters are great. all expenses paid haha.
-my class girls and i may not be the bestest pals in the whole world and we may be different in way too many things but they are nice ppl and i enjoyed the girls outing. they don’t skate with one leg, they don’t look gigantic beside each other, they speak a lot of chinese, they don’t eat baby octopus and pass theirs to the rubbish bin (me) who doesn’t mind at all haha. these show how different we are. we went ice skating in jurong and had dinner and shopped and neoprint in orchard.
my legs are very painful now.

xinling doesnt eat ikan bilis and baby octopus coz she cant imagine chewing on their brains.
what a thoughtful girl. just tell the whole world.

i’m trying to save now. i don’t have the heart to spend all my salary (haha) and ask mel to spare some of hers for me. she worked hard for that.

i just realised i had an entry titled prelims part1 so there should be another one with this title right.

prelims dont really make me feel anything. i’m not sad, not happy. it’s not impactful. hmm i’ll update again after i get back the results. i will sure feel something haha. i’m ready for the worst thing possible.. worst comes to worst i will get a treat haha.

btw i used impactful in my gp essay even tho i knew there was no such word. what was i thinking.

some things were just so much more fun to do during prelims.. like sleeping a lot, sleeping early, sleeping the whole day, shopping, bugging my sis, bugging my other sis, eating out, reading books or magazines.. when i wasn’t supposed to do them, when i was supposed to do what i was supposed to do.. sigh now they lost their thrills and excitement. but no worries, a levels is coming.

and the awards go to..
(drumroll)

the meanest paper: maths s
like pat put it, this is the screwest paper! i did it like.. first qn skip, 2nd skip, 3rd skip,.. eh thats all ya? haha but it didnt manage to make me feel bad coz it’s my last paper..

the saddest papers: phy1 and 2
i was sad, damn sad.. the only papers that made me feel so bad..

the happiest papers: fm1 and 2
it doesnt equate to an A or B or something like that for fm tho.. i was just happy doing these papers haha.

the sickest paper: phy s
it’s kind of have a long story behind it. i thot i wouldnt make it thru. but i survived the 3 hours haha.

the fastest paper i completed: phy3
i had 45 mins to check my answers. something must be very wrong..

the fastest paper i didnt feel like doing: chem1
not that it’s damn hard or what, i did two qn and i felt like bleahing the paper. my chem is hopeless anyway.

the most historic paper: gp1
haha.

prelims officially ended.

DEVELOP THE RIGHT (SELF) ATTITUDE
Author Unknown
Here are 10 suggestions to help you develop and maintain a healthy self-image.
1. Hate your sin, but never hate yourself.
2. Be quick to repent.
3. When God gives you light, walk in it.
4. Stop saying negative things about yourself. God loves you and it’s wrong to hate what He loves. He has great plans for you, so you’re in conflict with Him when you speak negatively concerning your future.
5. Never be afraid to admit that you’ve made a mistake and don’t always assume that when things go wrong, it must be ‘my fault’.
6. Don’t meditate excessively on what you’ve done, right or wrong; both of these activities keep your mind on you! Center your thoughts on Christ.
7. Take good care of yourself physically. Make the best of what God gave you to work with, but don’t be obsessed with your appearance.
8. Never stop learning but don’t allow your education to become a point of pride. God doesn’t use you because of what’s in your head: He uses you because of what’s in your heart.
9. Realize that your talents are a gift, not something you have manufactured yourself; never look down on people who can’t do what you do.
10. Don’t despise your weaknesses, they keep you dependent on God.

i’m halfway thru my prelims. only a few papers left. a few haha. i’ll never ever take panadol and coffee simultaneously again. i guess they were the reason of me feeling stressed and sick and dying the past few weeks. panadol works wonder for headaches. but it doesnt go with coffee and exams. i really can feel the difference. i should take better care of myself. and i guess i no longer need coffee to force myself to study. i know my priorities better now, erm not that well tho haha.

prelims. hm so far i think i’ve flunked all my papers well. i know my chem is just meant to be screwed but i was very very sad for my physics. i got over it tho, and i’m quite happy now haha.

elvina is very nice. she gives me her suppers and expired food. haha. nice people are meant to be smart. or is it the other way round. so all the not so smart ppl out there (including me), maybe we should try to be nicer to ppl haha. feed ur neighbours and get ur As.
but it’s not so true. look at the world today and its evil geniuses. smart ppl should use their intelligence for good deeds and save the world. i’ll remember that if i become smart one day.

people should consider stop being sellfish and sell other things instead. haha. that is supposed to be funny.

i feel that i have no choice in deciding my future. it’s exactly what a compre passage i did says. there is no real choice in life. i can’t even choose to be with my family. maybe i do have a choice, to go one of the universities here (with scholarship will be better) and get stuck in this little island for a long long time, or to have no future. the second option also spells disappointing my parents and my sisters. this thought forces me to study tho so it may be a good thing.

i dreamt something bad happened to my family on the night before i screwed my physics papers 1 and 2.

i’m going crazy.

i am on let’s make our butts smaller program
yes yes
can see the results yet?
shinfei n el think i got thinner yea
but been eating a lot since they told me so
sigh

i hate small red dots
to the core
give me headache bleahh
but i’m stuck with one