keep believing

i learnt squeezism yesterday. squeeze your time, squeeze your talent, squeeze your life, squeeze yourself dry. all for Him. easier said than done. as always.

less than a month left to exams. year one is important. sem one is important. it’s no longer one time exams like o levels or a levels that count, it’s now cumulative average points. which means no enough time for last minute mugging. which translates to consistent study. which is something new for me.
i’m struggling with myself. i can die of my own stupidity and relaxity. i made up the latter word specially for me.

i’ve been listening to clay’s christmas album, thanks to pat.

Just hear those sleigh bells jingle-ing
Ring ting tingle-ing too
Come on, it’s lovely weather
For a sleigh ride together with you

Outside the snow is falling
And friends are calling “You Hoo”
Come on, it’s lovely weather
For a sleigh ride together with you

Giddy-yap giddy-yap giddy-yap let’s go
Let’s look at the show
We’re riding in a wonderland of snow
Giddy-yap giddy-yap giddy-yap it’s grand
Just holding your hand
We’re gliding along with the song of a wintry fairy land

i was supposed to go for class outing in orchard, rolex entreprise forum in central library, and block junior treat senior in hall which were happening around the same time today. and i chose to go ktb to crappily learn and grow together. but it got rescheduled. and there were three dejected girls.

i feel so blessed. i have good people around me. two plan things and ask me to just study. one thinks i’m like spongebob and paul. another one uses me as her alarm clock. and one far far away thinks exactly like me.

math is always easy.

sometimes life is just like taking bus A2. it goes round and round. there are bumps and many stops. you reach engin eventually but you feel all dizzy.

you shouldn’t be too hard on yourself.
i slept so much til i got a headache and i slept more til i have no more headache. and i’m not feeling guitly. is this wrong?
i will change, but slowly. i need time. i don’t want to be stressed out by myself, psychoing myself to do what i don’t normally do and to be what i am not in such a short time.

pat and reren and i were talking. about how i can’t make up my mind about what i like to do the most. how i don’t really have favourites except for spongebob squarepants and watching friends and pink colour. how there is nothing material in particular that can make me die without it. like reren with green tea. they think i’m missing the excitement, the thrills in enjoying life. i think i’m easily happified.

is this just an illusion?

i know more about the ultimate joy. joyful, joyful. i’m not so much into hall life but i will sure miss living here if i move out next year. my phantom and non phantom friends, the neighbour hall ppl, the supper, the spacious and airy room, the free laundry, the excuse not to study. i love singing and grocery shopping without really shopping with juli. it’s holiday tomorrow! i need stress. to get me going. to stick my butt on the chair. i think night cycling will be a success. reren reren where art thou. i finally had a haircut on sunday. my sister’s been complaining that my hair was messy. i don’t really like my new haircut but it’s okay. i still look the same. just that now i have bangs again. she bangs she bangs. i spent the whole afternoon being inefficient today. and i couldn’t think. it’s been some time since i last thought. work brain, work. i can’t watch friends, stupid com. i think sometimes people tend to create illusion to make life easier to live and to enjoy. and for some people, life is entirely made up of illusion. this is the ultimate randomness.

the past few days i had to dedicate my life to hall. it’s not that fun to go door to door for three nights, paint a banner, print and photocopy stuff, paste posters, call up strangers at night to ask for their address, basically be a slave for hall when you are lagging behind in school. complain, complain, complain.

ktb-ing is nice. i hope we all can learn from each other and grow together alright. i couldn’t even say prayers properly at the beginning of this year.

i received a book as a gift from my tuition kid today. the book is in english and i actually have one in bahasa already. i’m happy anyway, it’s the thoughts that count. we had tuition in macs today. he did less mistakes but he couldnt remember some things that i taught him before. wondered if he actually learnt anything from me. i think we talked more than he learnt.
i had dinner with my uncle and aunt. it was nice and i was full.

i shouldn’t make promises to myself if i know i would just break them anyway. it’s too depressing.

cmon dont sweat over small stuff.

i hate depressed blog entries full of complaints.

i did the wrong tutorial for math. i watched webcast, for the first time, i understood the whole chapter before i did the tutorial. i thought i should know how to do at least the first few questions. and when i started doing, i was like hey are webcasts and lecture notes always this useless. there was no link at all la. i didn’t know what the questions are asking. but i attempted the whole tutorial anyways. skipped most of the questions. only during the tutorial i realised i did the next chapter’s tutorial. how stupid can a person be.

my group was supposed to get our recommendations for the project ready yesterday. but we didn’t. we don’t even have our points yet. and instead of working on the recommendations to make up for it, we discussed the topic of the project again and drafted the introduction again. get over it la, move on please.

i really wanted to go for materials science lecture this morning. it’s part of the resolution. but i was two hours and fifty minutes late. thanks to two meetings that were held at the same time-one super long and one super stressful, impossible deadlines, stupid plans, stupid and inefficient me.

i am so determined to be a better student. am i not meant to be?

there are times when i think that i cannot make it, that i should give up, that it’s impossible. but i survive each time. g11: we survive under pressure.
he makes a way for me. somehow there is always a way. it’s in his plan.

not counting tuesdays, my resolution goes okay so far. i shall upgrade my resolution to: go for everything and do everything properly. properly. but i’m not so ready yet.
i was late for materials science lecture again, and i dragged pat with me. i had no idea about what’s happening in nation building class even though i read a source. during basics of math lecture, i ate berryish ice cream yogurt, rushed through my assignment and tutorial, talked to pat and yiling and jean, and did everything but listen to the funny guy.

last night i went for some extraordinary general meeting to get two point five points. i’m so doing things for the wrong reason. it was not as boring as the previous meeting but my time was wasted all the same. though i managed to incompletely complete my math tutorial during the meeting.
posters are printed and put up.