keep believing

i’m losing friends. i’m back and i don’t contact my old friends. they ask me out but i stay at home. i tell them i will call them back but i won’t. what a friend, i know.

but..
i finally met up with fanie today!
at least one friendship has been revived ;)
the new james bond looks sexy like monkey.

the hippo story. there was a hippo. he put stripes all over his body. and acted like a zebra. so he could be a zebra. but he was not at all a zebra. he put dots on his body. and did what tigers do. so he could be a tiger. but he was very much a hippo inside. then he realised. that whatever he did. he would always be a hippo. that what he did best. was to be a hippo. so he decided. that he should live his life. by being himself. a hippopotamus. that he should know his place. his position in this world.

the little girl story. a little girl asked her mom. who was sewing. mommy, what are you sewing? her mom answered. a beautiful scenery, dear. the girl looked. the girl said. but it’s so ugly. the mom replied. because you see it from below. you wait and see. when i’m done. i’ll show you the beautiful picture. that i have in my mind.
if you cant see his plan. if you can feel his hand. trust his heart.

Be near me, Lord Jesus!
I ask Thee to stay
Close by me forever,
and love me I pray
Bless all the dear children in Thy tender care
And fit us for heaven,
to live with Thee there.

Joy to the world!
The Lord is come
Let earth receive her King
Let every heart prepare Him room
And heaven and nature sing

Joy to the world!
The Saviour reigns
Let men their songs employ
While fields and floods, rocks, hills and plains
Repeat the sounding joy

He rules the world
with truth and grace
And makes the nations prove
The glories of His righteousness
And wonders of His love

it takes longer to go from the airport to my house than to fly from singapore to jakarta.

church here starts at seven am. i remember giving my mom a hard time every sunday morning. i remember falling asleep during the sermons. i was not a very good child.
the sermon last sunday was about love, the dilema of adopting the loving kindness and forgiveness of God or His fair righteousness, and to solve it by the wisdom that comes from Him.
love your sisters and brothers in Christ. change your spectacles. be wise.
little knowldege is great danger.
i’m reading the bible and i realised i can easily misinterpret it. i have not much knowledge, i have great danger.

i’m reading the old testament and so far i realised that there is no a single human being who is perfectly righteous. adam sinned and he blamed eve. abraham lied about his wife sarah. jacob cheated his father. but God was with them.
i was once depressed with myself, with my own sins. i forgot that men can never be perfectly righteous, we have that sinful nature in us. i forgot that i can never even be close to being righteous with my own effort. but God made those who belive in Him righteous in His eyes. through the righteousness of Jesus Christ, and the work of the Holy Spirit in us.
deo gratias.

i watched this korean movie in which the guy keeps saying deo gratias. according to him, it is a secret code to tell God that he loves and thanks Him. he thanks God every now and then and he says that we should love no one more than we love the Big Guy Up There.
deo gratias, deo gratias.

i somehow feel that i only started growing up when i left home.
and i return to the sixteen year old girl i was everytime i go back for holidays.

i will be home in ten hours.
what is home really? after five years, things have changed, and they still are. the city, the house, the people, myself. sometimes i feel that i belong neither here nor there. of course, i’m not of this world ;) i belong nowhere on earth.
but the girl’s got to go home. the family misses her and she misses them too.

the plan for the holeedays: to read.

Who among the gods is like you, O Lord?
Who is like you-
majestic in holiness,
awesome in glory,
working wonders?
exodus 15:11

To God be the glory, great things He has done;
So loved He the world that He gave us His Son,
Who yielded His life an atonement for sin,
And opened the life gate that all may go in.

Praise the Lord, praise the Lord,
Let the earth hear His voice!
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord,
Let the people rejoice!
O come to the Father, through Jesus the Son,
And give Him the glory, great things He has done.

O perfect redemption, the purchase of blood,
To every believer the promise of God;
The vilest offender who truly believes,
That moment from Jesus a pardon receives.

Great things He has taught us, great things He has done,
And great our rejoicing through Jesus the Son;
But purer, and higher, and greater will be
Our wonder, our transport, when Jesus we see.

i’ve been overeating. yesterday i had lunch at bizad, and had some xialongbaos at suntec and desserts at coffeeclub. we had one two humongous muddy mudpies for the price of one and a twentyfive percent discount! how nice. and my nice nice sister bought me cajun chicken with fries for dinner.
i had durian and eggtarts for desserts after lunch just now.
let’s get fat.

coffeeclub and mudpies brought back memories. nice place, nice food, nice people. but i’d prefer studying than working. john nash said classes will dull your mind, destroy the potential for authentic creativity. i say we should enjoy school. hafe fun, be stupid, make as many mistakes as possible.

i watched a beautiful mind again.
i’ve made the most important discovery of my life. it’s only in the mysterious equation of love that any logical reasons can be found. i’m only here tonight because of you. you are the only reason i am… you are all my reasons. john nash to his wife, alicia.
nice.

the word triumph starts with try and ends with?
umph?
that’s right.

just a moment. i hear people wanting something… me!

happy feet was okay. i thought it’s a little too much for children, with the adult jokes, complicated environmental and fundamental issues, and implicit moral of the story. maybe the children today are smarter. or maybe i was too stupid as a child. maybe it’s a little too much for me only.
don’t condemn differences, don’t give up easily, don’t over exploit the earth.
it’s cute, it’s funny, it’s nice. but i’m not so much into penguins.

you did everything penguinly possible.

after the movie, i wandered around at orchard road to distribute christmas invitations. i thought my countrymates would flood orchard road every holiday season without fail, but i met shockingly a few of them only yesterday. we faced rejections, cold shoulders, weird stares, suspecting looks. can’t blame them though. we were like competing against promoters and sales people alike. we are similar in the sense that we offer stuff and we do so for someone else’s glory.
we had our dinner at pgp. and i had to move out of the hall. i did the fastest packing ever! i was basically just throwing my stuff into two bags.

jo, be strong!

some unfinished business that i have to clear before i fly home:
1. clean the room. why do i take forever to finish this. the more i clean, the messier it gets. can i get a new room please. i have to get out by the twelveth. i will be hall-less. oh and i lost my matric card. just tell the whole world.
2. finish reading the screwtape letters. so i can pass it to shoofei for her to read. but looking at the pace i’m going, this is a bit ambitious. unlikeliness.
3. buy stuffs. i’m getting very, very, very broke. hey i did learn something from nation building ;)
4. SE stuff on monday, lunch and a movie on tuesday, PD on wednesday.
5. watch nativity again with shoofei.
6. what else. what else. what else.

some random stuff in the past two days:
1. i got stood up by a boy on saturday. i waited for him for fortyfive minutes before i decided to go to the national library and read/sleep.
2. orchard road is kinda disappointing. maybe more people realised that christmas is not at all about decorations. that’s a good thing. joy to the world!
3. mike is the coolest waiter ever.
4. i talked to an ex roommate this morning, a girl who taught me a lot. she’s coming to singapore, and she may be getting for a job here!
5. ciyenty gave us a mission for the holiday. to read the bible. one month. sixtysix books.
6. i love sundays. the worship and praise. the hands shaking. the prayers. the sermon. the word of God. the fellowship. refreshed, rejuvenated, revitalised.

during the exams, i numbered my days, i planned (well, i should have), i had direction, i had the pressure to live well, i treasured every hour every day, i trusted Him fully, i leaned on Him. post exams, i didn’t even know what day today was, i sleep all day all night, i let time be stolen from me, i was actually too tired to do quiet time last night.
maybe i should have exams everyday.

i had cell group outing in vivocity on wednesday night. dinner at sushi tei was on shinta and desserts in ben and jerry’s was on the young ones. tips to eat in ben and jerry’s from shoofei: flirt socialize, tell the guy that it’s your first visit, wink and smile a little bit, and he will treat you nice.

i went back to vivo the next morning. we watched nativity, the movie made me really happy. i bought two CS Lewis and a PEANUTS, the books made me really poor. people, twenty percent discount storewide at pageone on the eighth and nineth! i met sherly, the talking and walking made me happier. i bought paper folders to keep my notes next semester, they made me even poorer.

i tried to clean and tidy up my room. i failed.
sher, i never mean it when i say i need to get rid of you.

i met annie today. she teaches autistic kids now and she has lots of interesting stories. she keeps telling me that i am so blessed, that i have the blessed look. i know i am, i’m grateful for that. she gave me a funny book to keep me away from stress and bought me a pretty floral top. how sweet is that. i didn’t even email her after i said i would. people shouldn’t be too nice to me. according to her, back in uni she had some working friends who treated her to stuff and she’s just passing it on to me. i will do the same. pay it forward.
i should really start remembering my new address, it’s been more than three months!
i did some paying and shopping, i am a poor poor girl now.

i should never skip meals. i don’t want headaches. i don’t want eight paracetamol and one neuralgin in three days.

we have enough. kill it.

do not be afraid.

why is it me God has choosen? i am nothing.

how do we raise such a child?
i wonder if i will even be able to teach Him anything.

He is for all mankind.

the nativity story reminds me of my sunday school days, when i learnt stories from the bible in details. i used to know them by heart, but growing up, things that seemed to be more important in this world popped up and occupied the memory space in my brain. i can’t remember much now.

Jesus came to the world to save us, to pay the price for our sin. that is christmas. but the world rejected Him even before He was born. and it still does so. why would we do that. He wasn’t born wealthy and comfortable, He was delivered in a stable. Mary and Joseph felt unworthy, but God looked in favour upon them. they were afraid, but they really shouldn’t have been because God was with them. the world seemed to be against them but He took care of them, He kept them in His plan, He made things possible. i like Joseph. i wonder if the three wise men were really that funny.

one christmas movie without santa claus. the movie is beautiful. watch, think, feel.