keep believing

picking up where i left off.

behind the defeat, there was His victory.
in His embarrassment, there was His glory.
by being weak, He showed His mighty power.
stephen tong, seven words of the cross.

the past few days,
i read half a book, a chapter of another book, and a few chapters of the other book,
i mugged for two and a half modules,
i learnt,
i made new friends,
i was locked in a flat for half a day,
i met two deadlines and had a meeting,
i had a field trip to a village, seriously joking,
i took in a lot of caffeine and MSG, but not paracetamol,
i had a good bible study and a good fellowship,
i wasted a lot of time.

some boring stuff. you don’t have to read this.
as a child i always wanted to be a teacher. one of the reasons was so that i could create patterns from the answers of the multiple-choice questions that i set. like an arrow or a vertical line or funny funny shapes, to benefit the creative but lazy students. every now and then i still think of becoming a teacher. in my struggle with english, i actually thought it would be nice to be an english teacher. because of a crush on a handsome maths teacher, and of course, on integrations and differentiations, i wanted to be a maths teacher. the reason is now turning more and more noble. i tasted a bit of what it is like to be a teacher last year, and i.. didn’t like it. i had to be an example to my students. which i was incapable of doing. how could i tell people to do things that i myself refuse to do. i had to scold my students when necessary. which i couldn’t. i ended up getting bullied and losing a pencil. i had to listen and to be not blur at all times. which i wish i could, but i really couldn’t do. also there was pressure from above and below, outside and inside. there was responsibilities, for the future of the child, to the parents, to the boss, to self, to God. recently i’ve got to know some new friends who are teachers, and my old dream was rekindled. now i don’t mind being a teacher, but i’ve yet to possess the qualities of a dedicated teacher. maybe the struggle that i’m going through right now will bring me there. the struggle to stop wasting my life away, to stop living for the fun of it, to start taking charge of my own life and walking in the right way, which is His way. it’s sure not easy. but i just need to persevere in the Lord alright. i may not take up teaching as my profession in the future, but i’m sure everyone teaches in one way or another in her life. teaching is a noble thing to do, salute to all the dedicated teachers in the world.

easter is near.
the thought of the Cross is poignant and yet it brings about an immense feeling of joy.

Just for love it was done
And though you were perfect and holy
You gave up yourself willingly
You spared no expense for my pardon
You were used up and wasted for me

how are we selfish beings with wicked hearts and limited minds supposed to understand something so pure, so divine:
an unconditional and sacrificial love.

Broken and spilled out
Just for love of me Jesus
God’s most precious treasure
Lavished on me
Broken and spilled out
And poured at my feet
In sweet abandon
Lord you were spilled out
And used up for me

just for love it was done.

Arise, shine.. Isaiah 60:1

studying is easy, but to get my brain into the scientific environment, to glue my butt and stick it on the chair, to start reading my lecture notes and try to make sense out of them are such a chore. so hard. but i can’t just lie down and pray that God will make me study or turn me smart. i need to arise. and shine.
i hope i’m over that dreadful initial stage of mugging for the coming tests.

But once we arise, immediately we find He is there. my utmost for His highest

my first sister is so nice. she saved my day. if i ever do well in my tests, i’d owe it to her!

i celebrated this chinese new year in the most non-chinese new year way. over the weekend, i was either sleeping, doing my lab report, talking to myself, or doing.. antisocial stuff.. alone. and today i kinda make up for the whole time i deprived myself of company, and people of me, by having a visit marathon. visited my sisters and cousin and friends at clementi, some friends at westpeak, some sherly at starbucks, and my handsome friend at smu hostel. i enjoyed each visit. good, happy, warm times.

it feels good to be with people who know you inside out, so well that you have nothing to hide and you can be you at your weirdest without worrying a single thing. those who may not understand your jokes and most of the things that you say, but still laugh with you, or at you. those who think that you are damn stupid and uncool and everything they are not but still call you their friend, though you may not be in their top list of friends.

i thought of studying, i seriously did. many many times. how i wish thoughts really count here.

anyhoo, i enjoyed the break so far, both alone and almany. blessed :)

Teach me to number my days aright, that I may gain the heart of wisdom.
Proverbs 90:12

i count it all joy to know you!

i’m reminded again and again to take care of the friendships that i’ve made. i received a card with a pair of earrings from annie yesterday. and a visit from a friend from across the country at two in the morning, resulted in me skipping my eight am lecture. it was so his fault.

thank God for people called friends.

this morning i joined my church people who went to mount elizabeth to visit and pray for the sick. we met different types of people, most of them are already old. one patient, 89 years old, had just woken up from a very long sleep, the family was rejoicing, the daughter said that he loves people and he was really happy to receive our visit. some others had just had operations and they were in so much pain. i also saw a little girl with a pipe connected to her which she has to carry everywhere, walking with her dad and little brother. she’s so young and yet the pipe has already become a part of her life that she has to accept. it was really heart-rending. these are real cases. people suffer. they need hope, they need solace, they need strength.
people need the Lord.

and what a person i am. can’t even stand a slight headache. be thankful.

people are calling me erlinda, erliana, aileenda, ai ling, anything but my real name. doesn’t matter to me.
what’s in a name, says shakespeare (shaksper, shaxberd, shakespere?).

may the Lord use your heart for His honour and glory. a soft heart is a teachable one! for you’ll receive the Word and believe it more readily.

i enjoy your friendship very much.

…acted like exchange students.
from left to right: namibian, indonesian, japanese, vietnamese, american, korean.

do you know the hall i’m living in has five hundreds and two rooms. i spent four hours on the night of valentine’s to find that out for myself.
do you know subway cookies only sell at seventy five cents in nus. i bought them many times before but the cheapness only stroke me this afternoon.
do you know reren is so nice. she gave me a valentine’s day gift which is actually not a valentine’s day gift, but i take it as a valentine’s day gift.
do you know i have no plans for chinese new year. i think. people who have plans that involve me, please enlighten me.

friendship is like relationship…. need to work it out.. need to put in effort.